Night Time Brothers Present: 2009

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Animation Festival Asia 2009

By David

Dubbed by some guy as the largest English speaking Anime festival in the world, the Animation Festival Asia held in Singapore this year was quite entertaining. They gave away Gundam figurines, they had a maid café, they had perverted artworks of young girls in skimpy school outfits, they had everything. But that was nothing compared to this:

Shit, my photos are blurry. But you get the point.

Anyway, it’s funny how anime festivals have such a huge fan base, when there’s so much that isn’t being legally sold. And if you do actually find the series, movie or manga you’ve been searching for, you’ll realise that it’s too expensive. Why spend half your salary on a series when you can download it for free?

But then, if everyone is downloading the stuff for free, how are the creators making any money?

Crunchyroll has tackled this problem by working with various companies to stream anime legally, and quickly. Since it started to legally stream Naruto episodes on demand, illegal downloads were cut by around 70%.

To sum up today’s entry, I will leave you with this.

...........

And now a word from the bros:

We're building an awesome video game app, so we need cash bad! Please help this nutso project of ours come to life by making a small PayPal donation. With your donation, you'll be able to help us hire developers and put a bright new game into phones and tablets worldwide.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Eating Stingray in Singapore

By David

Yes, the news is right. I now live in Singapore. So far it’s been pretty wild, settling into a new home and workplace and drinking routine and all.

Monday, November 2, 2009

Losers Weepers, Finders Keepers design and art markets

by Alvin

Something new for the pinch and the punch, first day of the month.

Yesterday afternoon I made sure I had my Sunday free so I could check out the Finders Keepers design and art markets at The Old Museum in Herston. I didn't know what to expect really, initially thinking it was like The Young Designers Market but instead was something I really enjoyed and appreciated; being my first time.

Of course it would've made my day if I actually had any money to blow at this great event, (it won't cost you an arm and a leg - but that's how broke I am ladies and gents) but I digress: If hand-made, eco-friendly, one-of-a-kind, kitschy, earthy, from the heart - etc, knick knacks and trends are your thing; from buttons, badges, magazines, diaries, books, dresses and shirts, hats, jewellery, art, stationery and all things that can fit in a paper bag - then you'll find something of value here and another interesting day out with friends.

I know I'm not doing it justice in my explanation, but my brain's a bit pre-occupado with grown up thinkies and concerns at the moment... I digress; again!

The non-commercial feeling I got from walking into that old hunk of brick housing this artsy grand, garage sale of sorts really sold me too, everything felt natural, earthy, cosy and an alternative side to what markets are to me. A chance for artists of all sorts to display their hard worked, earned or fashioned wares for a lucky individual to purchase.

And with some simple grub and liquid to chase it down on offer, coupled with the blasting tunes of live music I've never heard before to soothe you out on the lawn; a rest break away from the endless walking to and fro past the same stalls over and over again, hoping to not have missed one inch of detail or to take a final swoop to make sure that glass pendant is worth not having (trust me - that's what it'll make you do - there's just so much to see and delight at in one stall let me tell you)...

I really wished I had brought more than $10 and a debt with me.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

A solution to failure

by Alvin

One thing I've realized in the past that's become more and more of a compulsive thought for me these days, is that failure or actually the fear of it is pretty much relative to "time" or a set time's final approach.

That when our perceived deadline looms ever near, we instinctively quicken our biological and physical pace. Psychologically averting to emotions rather than maintain a stoic control, as we critically examine the proper trajectory of our past decisions and corporeal proofs of development. Opening to doubt and losing faith in the foundations of our decisions.

Measuring where we are now to where we should be; an ideal against reality.

If time is what we worry about, be it a period of physical prime to effectively take advantage of, or planning around a once in a lifetime opportunity. Then wouldn't a sure fire way of relief be to make it so "time makes no difference"?

To biologically freeze an epoch of oneself; to be immortal.

If immortality were achievable through science, mysticism or a sanguinary curse, wouldn't the longevity it entails psychologically remove the pressure we as mortals have to accomplish something of value and prestige in a single moment in time. To not die would enable us to take our time, move at a pace not alien to our makeup. To not age would open possibilities for us to live out, learn, witness and accomplish all manner of things without societal barriers of transition and inevitable physical hindrances.

Immortality would remove from an individual the anxiety of making everything count, abolishing moments in life as periods that can never be repeated, and instead remake them as one chance out of a moebius strip of chances.

But then I wonder as we pass through life not having limitations, would this Utopian concept fall under the weight of humanity's track record for decadence. That in having no need to push ourselves in tandem with an acceptable period of accomplishment, would we grow complacent, overtly selfish and self-indulgent - eventually not fulfilling what we desire and thus not contributing to the advancement of the age.

Could our immortal lives bring us an irreversible distance with civilization, remove our anxiety for failure but increase the emotional stress of not being able to relate with anyone or the world at large.

... I think I'd risk it.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Who Needs Parents When You Have YouTube?

By David

The Internet teaches us a whole lot about life without the need for us to actually live it. Thanks to today's online technology, boys no longer need to worry about seeking the loving advice of a male role model. Instead, they have the brilliant and less strenuous convenience of YouTube.

If you ever need to learn how to shave, go to YouTube.

If you need to learn how to shave your balls, you can also ask YouTube.

Don't know how to pick up a bartender? Don't worry, YouTube has the perfect video for teaching you how to win over girls that were once... unwinoverable...

Want to look charming by knowing how to play Pearl Jam on Guitar? No worries, YouTube will come over and give you some friendly tips.

If your woman has braces, no problems. YouTube has great advice on how to kiss someone with braces.

Ever wonder if you were gay? A YouTube vlogger has some friendly advice for you.

And most importantly, if you ever want to hit on a Japanese girl, you should at least know how to speak a bit of Japanese. So why not ask YouTube for advice?

Monday, October 12, 2009

Why the world needs more Charles Bukowski

By David

There’s no doubt that Charles Bukowski is one of my favourite writers.

It’s hard for me to pick up a book and instantly be immersed in it. Every book I’ve been browsing through lately has felt like high brow, melodramatic nonsense. What gets me off are stories that are raw.

Bukowski wrote for the underdogs, the losers, the unwanted. He brings out what everyone else is fond of hiding. Sometimes he appalls me. Sometimes he disturbs me. Sometimes he’d make me laugh once again. Sometimes he’d simply be there, and I’d be feeling whatever it is I’m feeling and then life would continue.

If you were ever in the mood to sample any of his works, I recommend starting with Ham on Rye.

I’ll finish off by posting a video of Bukowski kicking his soon to be fiancé.

Good night.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

How to Write a Fourth Novel

By David

My first large piece was a thirty something thousand word novella about a boy and another boy and a cult. It was pretty horrible, but I entered it into a competition anyway. I didn’t win the competition.

My second manuscript was an improved version of the story about the boy and the other boy and the cult. I wrote half of it while in a relationship, and the other half while out of one.

My third manuscript was more autobiographical. I am quite proud of it. One day it will be published.

My current story deals with a messed up situation involving school kids.

Sometimes you have to wonder about the necessity of art, of fiction, of a film, of a portrait, of a song. I once heard a guy describe art as wishy washy nonsense. Upon first hearing him, I thought he had a point. But then I realised what an asshole he was. Think of all the time and all the money we’ve spent on films, think of the songs that have moved us to tears, think of the books that have inspired us to move, think of statues and bridges and history, think of the times we’ve happily escaped, think of your friend and his camera, think of the pretty girl in the train with the book. Without our creativity we wouldn’t have survived this far.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Cool rings to rule them all

by Alvin

I love rings.

If there's one piece of unisex jewellery that subtly makes an impression, conveniently unites, labels, represents & gently expresses a person's character it's the ring.

After playing Final Fantasy VIII back in my high school days, Squall Leonhart became my favorite character ever - & as such I adopted his Griever ring as one of my own personal symbols; wearing a rough, stylised version I had made to this present day (one day when the financials permit, I'll get a perfect, worthy representation created).

So in my travels through the World Wide Web, here are some very cool, interesting, geeky, unusual, uniquely character imbuing "finger decorations" that I think are worth a showcase.

wear them wisely & at your own peril.

Black Lantern Corp sterling Power Ring

For those who came in late, Green Lantern isn't the only colour coordinated, ring bearing, cosmic superhero out there - there are 8 coloured lantern corps, one being the Black Lanterns who are all about death & whose rings are basically worn by revenants.

Why this ring? I hear you say... well the dark side in me likes a sexy black that can bring this ominous feeling of respect. If you're interested in wielding this puppy, All Need Fulthings Store has 'em on offer for the right US dollar.

Small Turntable sterling ring

You might have heard of Dark Cloud and then again you might've not. Out of all the pieces I've seen this almost came a close second, but won out because there was something "all-together" about it. Suited for the muso, the disk jockey, the gangsta & vinyl scratcher; just about anyone with an appreciation & practice for the music, would find this ring says it all.

Master Chief sterling ring

For the hardcore Halo fan & general Gamer enthusiast, imagine an elite class of club exclusively open to a prestigious few. Each member a renowned fragger sealing their membership by wearing a unique Master Chief Mark VI Spartan helmet of a ring, maybe leaving a gold version to the #1 and founder of the society.

How does that sound? It speaks for itself... If you want to make this a reality, Weta can help.

iRing

These are probably still conceptual, I'm not totally sure but I'd imagine these will kick-ass as one of the most sought after accessories ever.

Stylish, sleek, sexy! whist functional as a wearable remote for your iPod & iPhone; controlling your playlists via wireless Bluetooth all by sliding and tapping the face of the ring. Full explanation and instructions for its operatibility is available online, but once again I now wish I had an iPod (yes I know... shame on me, I'm one of the few that don't own one. I have my reasons, but rest assured when these come out - I'll follow suit with a sexy iTouch).

Steampunk bold, grunged, beaten parts ring

There's something nostalgic, something rustic, something vintage & "something" about a piece of metal that looks like garbage or out of this century.

It's not for everyone, but that's where its charm will be. Art that can be worn, for those with a steampunk reverence or those whose trades harken to the symbolisation a ring like this has.

Etsy has a lot of different types if you just generally search "steampunk rings".

Monday, October 5, 2009

The silhouettes of Tim Noble & Sue Webster's rubbish

by Alvin

Their great sculptures showcased earlier this year, but either way: old news is still good news. The difficulty involved in its making is obvious; I wouldn't know where to begin if I attempted something like this...

... which is why, after attending a teen Filipino charity pageant of sorts, I was pondering that if i ever were delirious enough or enchanted by one hot female participant to participate. I would attempt to recreate a giant silhouette based on the rubbish style and idea of Noble & Webster's amazing pieces as my "talent". Booming a catchy pop rock anthem as I parade on stage, fooling the audience into thinking my sanity was in question, as I enthusiastically throw & position large pieces of refuse and furniture in the middle of the flooring. Then when reaching the finale, I unveil to the audience's awe the method to my madness; turning off the stage lights & switching on a strategically placed spot light, showing a silhouette of Batman behind the foreground of the rubbish.

I would be awesome.

I can't sing (very well to avoid dissapointment) nor dance or play an instrument to emotionally coerce a standing ovation, so what better way to express my talent amazingly than via this.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

What to do When Nothing is Going Right

By David

These past few weeks seem to have been a terrible past few weeks for a lot of people. There’s been a lot of yelling, there’s been a lot of crying, there’s been a lot of people bashing things with objects.

Maybe it’s the moon. Maybe it’s the weather. Maybe it’s the hormones. Who knows, maybe it’s me.

But when times are tough, what I do is, I find a beer, I find a cigarette, I find some trashy music and I find a necktie and a torn up jacket, and I stand on something not-too-tall and I sway and I blame everyone for everything and then, when things cool down and I lose my high, I do not fall asleep.

Friday, October 2, 2009

Free West End Street Poetry

By David

Blackstar has decided to close down Thomas Street, West End, for a night of street poetry.

The details?

5.30-7pm @ Blackstar
Euan Gray
Benjamin Hooper
Arun Sol

7-9pm on the street
Joel Saunders
Peter B & The Homeless Souls
WORDS OR WHATEVER Collective:
Lesson
Dissent of Didymus
Mantist
Triks
Darkwing Dubs
Benna Zennabomb

9pm @ Blackstar
Alan Boyle
SIMONE Pitot & Matthew Colin

Click here for the Facebook invite and for more information.

Don't know who these guys are? Who cares. Who needs mainstream celebrity when you have the beauty of something raw.

I've personally met Benna Zennabomb, the Queensland state finalist for last year's Australian Poetry Slam. It's definitely worth it to see him perform.

See you there.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

The Phantom TV series! - the suit sucks btw

by Alvin

If anyone's ever grown up reading and loving comics in Australia, you'd at least have had to have read an issue of Lee Falks "The Phantom" or hardcore followed the cult hero.

The Phantom to me is up there as one of comic's great archetypes, sharing its role model status with The Batman & The Superman. Some would say He is the first costumed hero; a figure who's background is rooted in historical reference, pirates, native occult, superstition, serial adventure & the passing of the mantle to each new generation.

A great character that will now make it to the home cinema, albeit of a different and modern incarnation.

The concept behind this Phantom TV series reminds me a lot about the movie Wanted; a young man is "coerced" & discovers his true lineage reluctantly by a mysterious organization, tragically or for selfish reasons takes up the organization's offer & thrusts himself into its world, becoming the man he was destined to become in order to combat the evils that took his original life away.

This contemporary setting re-imagines the original character of Christopher "Kit" Walker in a modern world for a younger, more "cooler" audience, reflected in the costume design above - which I am not a fan off at all, and not so much hate but disappointed that this was the best they could come up with. It looks like they were going for a The Dark Knight armored feel, complete with nano tech enhancement explanations. You can read up on who will play the "Ghost Who Walks", the cast & details regarding the suit, etc here.

You can view the trailer below too - it looks interesting and if I ever see it on prime-time or on GO, I will definitely give it the light of day.

Getting Published: Short Story Competitions and Magazines

By David

One way to get recognised in a depressingly competitive industry is to get your work published in magazines and short story competitions.

Tom Cho, a recently published novelist I met in the Brisbane Writer's Festival, told me that his publisher initially took notice of his writing through a literary magazine (I think he told me it was Voiceworks, but don't quote me on that). As Tom's work progressed throughout the years, the publisher realised that he was the real deal and offered him a publishing contract.

There are several short story competitions and literary magazines out there. Join and enter as many as you can. My first successfully published short story was published by The Melbourne Age, and that did wonders for my already bloated ego.

I must warn you, however, winning a short story competition or getting your work published in a magazine is a lot harder than you might think. Art is subjective and beauty lies within the wallet of the publisher, so don't be too put down when you have to rely on luck, coincidence and a shitload of rejection. I believe it's just a way of testing your commitment to your dream.

If you are under 25 and live in Australia, I recommend trying to get your work published in Voiceworks, because they respond to every submission with honest, constructive feedback. If you subscribe to them, you'll also receive regular newsletters that detail several of Australia's leading writing competitions.

Saturday Morning Watchmen

by Alvin

You'll definitely appreciate this one Dave ;)

Oh yeh! A pinch and a punch, first day of the month. White Rabbit!

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Where the wild things should go

by Alvin

Sometimes I wish... I had an alter ego; an altruistic, messiah complexed, vigilant, dark knight of a double life, whom I can feed all my frustrations & aches too. Fueling a "beast" bent not on malice or sociopathic tendencies, but controlled by my own ideals & morals to right wrongs & uphold what is just.

It's not for an egoistic sense of heroism or an opportunity for an adrenaline high, merely an escape, an escape to let loose all this raw emotion accumulated through failure, insecurity, heartache, disappointment and a distaste for those who harm, abuse, bully, kill, take & prey. A time to release rage & intimidation confidently from behind a mask and visage, frightening the crooked, disabling the perverted & breaking the unlawful.

Using all the things that hit an emotional person hard to good use. Because the normal thing to do would be to volunteer at a soup kitchen, confess to a priest, sponsor a child or even learn to forgive... but "helping"; whilst a damn, great solution, can lend itself to the usefulness of punishment.

What's wrong in instilling fear and discomfort to those who prey on the lambs of our society.

Psycho much?!

Not at all, I'm just lawfully evil and chatoically neutral. Filled and fed up with "issues"; needing a way to vent where it will do its best for those who deserve, as well as its worse to those who do deserve it.

A secret identity that may one day be revealed to those I care about, not to receive shame or worry... but hopefully acceptance & a small, convoluted sense of admiration.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Writing From Heartbreak

By David

Heartbreak has always been a major catalyst for my creative writing.

You look at a year and you find a galaxy of heartbreak. The heartbreak can come from a movie or a book or a tune, it can come from one of my crying or swearing friends, it can come from me. Wherever the hell the heartbreak comes from, it always finds its way into the things I write.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

The Journey on Fours

by Alvin

The dust storms that David posted about gave that day an "orange" hue that reminded me of sepia, which in turn made me nostalgic - so the whole day felt like I was living a past memory.

So today it's a treat back to memory lane with some old animatic like video I made a couple of years ago; or "cinematic comics" as I've called this particular style of video making.

This particular vid is called "The Journey on Fours"; an assignment that centered on creating a socially response-able artwork that would be showcased at a gallery night with the trimmed red carpet treatment. So I chose the theme of "refugees" & all the sub-themes that came with it & made a story about a caravan of animals journeying to a better place; drawing for pretty much 6 or so days straight & editing it all in 1 day - it was quite the challenge that paid off.

I won a small class award for this piece & got a pleasing number of acclaim for it, so as an artist I was very proud of this little engine that could.

The vid is about 20 minutes long & for the sake of youtube, I had to divide the video in half for viewing.

part one

part two

If you'd like to see it on youtube just head over here for the first half, remembering to leave room for dessert as you follow through with the last & second remainder.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Spider Man Musical is a web slinging go

by Alvin

What?! when... where!?

For those who came in late, this is no joke. If you loved reading about his amazing exploits between pages of ink and paper & thrilled at his spectacular agility on the boob tube and silver screen. Prepare for the next sensation: Spider Man the musical aka Spider Man: turn off the dark, a one of a kind number that will grace the glitz and glamor of Broadway and definitely pique the curiosity of fanboy/girl & comic aficionado alike.

But for those who weren't late to the party, earlier reports of the $40+ million (the most expensive production to date) musical hanging dry financially have been positively turned around with word that the productionl is now a swinging full steam ahead.

Equally confirmed by actor Alan Cummings, who will play Spidey's bane The Green Goblin. The musical will star "Across The Universe" alumni Jim Sturgess & Evan Rachel Wood as the web slinger Spider Man/Peter Parker & Mary Jane Watson respectively.

And if you didn't think it get's any better than that or musicals just mean boring & laud. Spidey will be belting it to the lyrics & tunes of U2's Bono and The Edge, who are exclusive writers and music scribes to the Marvel broadway production.

Spider-sense a tingling?! Something sure is.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Music and Pill Popping: Valley Clubbing, Parklife, and the Sounds of Spring

Two major music events are happening in Brisbane tomorrow: Parklife, and Sounds of Spring. Will there be a huge line-up of killer music? Yes. Will there be freaky assed hoes? Sure thing. Will there be ludicrous amounts of pill popping? Of course not. Drugs are bad for you.

I'll finish off with a song by The Beatles, called Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds.

A Korean Hairdresser Has Changed my Life

By David

You haven’t really lived life if you’ve never been to a Korean hairdresser. If you’re Asian Australian, then you’ve probably had your hair done in a Korean hairdresser several times over.
Alvin and I caught up the other day and had our haircuts in a place called “Colour Rain,” in Sunnybank. Here are some photos:

Like a lot of Korean hairdressers I’ve seen in Brisbane, this was the process: they sat us down and showed us a magazine full of photos of (maybe) Korean guys with stylish haircuts. They then asked us to choose the corresponding style we wanted. They then cut our hair. They then asked us if we wanted to put wax on our hair, which in this case was Gatsby.

In the background was a large flat screen television playing a pop singer's music DVD. I think one of the videos they played was this one, by BoA.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

The Dark Knight sequel rumors: Validated!

by Alvin

"Success: the third" is spelt B-A-T-M-A-N-3

The much anticipated sequel to Nolan's The Dark Knight has been appearing in rumor'ville since the end of last year, with supposed casting leaks & proposed titles sneaking into movie and comic book gossip sites.

But one thing that remains fact that die-hard fans have been absent minded to, is that the project currently has no confirmed screenplay completed nor director formally announced. Meaning that any word on who's cast as who is completely fabricated, for no script = no confirmed characters = no actors to audition for specifically.

The relevance of this post merely serves as a reminder of that truth. But wouldn't it be grand if what's been chinese whispered comes close to or has a chance to influence the final say in the next Batman film.

I for one can't wait to see Johnny Depp perform as the Riddler; taking what is pretty much one of the "under dog" characters in Batsy's rogues gallery, and transforming him into a collected, criminal, masterminding genius on par or even exceeding Heath's Joker - but with less anarchy and maniacal unhinged'ness. Depp would easily instill an intimindating demeanor and deepness to the usually light-hearted Edward Nygma, erasing Carrey's lasting impression of him from the vaults of our psyche.

Philip Seymour Hoffman has been another rumour, this time tagged to play the aristocratic Penguin. Not one of my favourite villains to be frank, but I grew to embrace his potential after seeing Devito's surprising rendition to a T! An 'A-Class' actor such as Hoffman could no doubt bring charisma & an aura of 'the sinister' to the pint-sized, snoutly challenged criminal. Removing any sense of "freak" from our minds and replacing it with a respect for the character's seriousness.

Other tid bits have recently surfaced that would make me two very happy little boys if they were true; Oh God of Cinema please let them be tru'est!

It's good to know that these rumors; obviously created by the public at large, really indicate to me the path and sophistication the viewing connoisseurs want for future comic adapted movies. ie an actual "plot" in the script & REAL movie directors on the helm, taking something completely fantastic and fun & turning it into something to be taken seriously. As well as putting respected and talented actors on the reigns of characters that although started out as a drawing wearing spandex; are deep and moving individuals with 3-Dimensional personalities.

Now the only thing I'm having grips with is the title they'll dare choose... so far I'm liking Gotham City... but I know they can do better than that.

Maybe they should just call it "Gotham".

Dust and Dust and Dust and Storm and Storm and Storm

By David

There's a sexy little dust storm blanketing our lives here in Brisbane, Queensland, at the moment. I first heard about it in the morning, on the news, when they said that Sydney was covered in red. I laughed a little but then looked outside my window. It pretty much looked like this:

I went outside to go for a swim. I lasted about five minutes. It went in my eyes. I'd never panicked so much in my life.

Anyway I'm now stuck at home with all the windows closed, trying to finish another novel. Yum.

.

What communication can miss

by Alvin

So it's late. Nocturnal habits die hard and the vodka & tonic in my hand hits harder... just joking, it's a martini.

This morning I glanced over my shoulder at the TV and caught the remnants of Puma & Adidas' peace-offering soccer match on the newscast. I never knew the history between the two footwear giants, and was in awe at how much the two rival companies were related. Imagine two brothers bound in business together and a mysterious Shakespearean feud between them that would stand the testament of 60+ years. Splitting their joint success into separate, splintered potentials that would grow (while fed on spite no doubt) into behemoths of the industry. Who knew the spirit of competition their brand imbued literally derived from an actual fierce & tenacious "bad blood" between their original founders; one strong enough to divide the citizens of an actual city in prejudice.

A new kind of discrimination? Over something that nobody has the slightest clue about; insane! asinine!! but definitely sounds familiar.

So it's late and I think about how miscommunication when left "unchecked at the door" can turn into something out of control; a permanent status quo.

If its over nothing why make a big deal about it right? It's easy to make an example of the fine tuning our evolutionary species has to endure to get "community" & " sociality" right, but for those who believe that "we" aren't the center of the universe:

Can the effects of miscommunication extend to Mankind the follower and God the creator?

That the messages swapped between each other can get blurred as it hits home to us, where an impulse to act or decide doesn't necessarily mean an indication from the Most High, but can confusingly be dually defined as being such. Placing faith in a particular series of events on a logical or heart felt whim, only to realise moments into the future that the outcome didn't follow through desiringly. Believing in "His" time when out of experience & pressure the time is now when we need it most.

It's the early morning already & I wonder how much communication do we take for granted naively without applying our other greatest gift: our ability to discern. Then I ponder about how much of that is really only our fault...

It's past midnight & no matter how much I've mistaken I know there'll be a chance to get it right.

I should sleep now.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

David's Guide to Being Poor

By David

If you're like me, then you're probably poor. If you like to go out with your friends but are a little pissed off that they always have more money than you, then this post will definitely sort of help you out in a way (maybe).

I call it: David's Guide to Being Poor, or David's Guide to Being Cheap. With this guide you can be an underpaid bastard and still (possibly) probably look sort of okay to your friends on some days.

This is what you have to do:

Get into telemarketing or pyramid schemes.

Gamble your money and double, even triple it. I DO NOT RECOMMEND GAMBLING YOUR MONEY AND DOUBLING, EVEN TRIPLING IT.

If you can’t afford the Internet, go to the nearest Apple store. The one in Sydney has free Internet.

To watch free movies, watch free streaming movies online or download torrents. In Brisbane, the cheapest cinemas I’ve found are the Southbank Cineplex cinemas, which sell student tickets for around six dollars, and adults around eight. If you're a UQ student, the cinemas at Indooroopilly can be cheap, but if you're an adult, tickets will cost you around sixteen dollars, which is shit. Similarly, every good video store has cheap rentals every Tuesday.

If you’re on a first date, and you’re embarrassed about the fact that you can only afford McDonald’s (happy meals at that), don’t be. Make it look romantic. Buy him/her McDonald’s drive-through, and then drive somewhere with a good scene like Mt.Coot-tha or near the Brisbane River like Kangaroo Point, where the two of you can sit, talk about life, eat your happy meals, and look at romantic scenery. And then, after your meal and after absorbing the good view and after a bit of cuddling, the two of you can go to the back seat and have thirty seconds of fun, and then a lifetime of regret, shame and disappointment.

If you can’t afford a car, prepare a home cooked meal.

If you can’t even afford a home cooked meal, invite your date out with your friends to a fancy café somewhere. And then talk to one of your friends in private and then do the ‘Oh I left my wallet at home’ trick, and then follow it up with, 'Can you pay for my date too?'

Instead of buying McDonald's meals, buy the burger and the chips, and then ask for a cup of water. It's cheaper that way. For the price of a happy meal, you can also buy a medium cheeseburger meal.

If you want to say a lot of things in your text messages but are too cheap to send two messages in a row, compress all your words together and don't use spaces. So it looks like this: CompressOlUrWrds2gethrNDntUseSpaces.

Make a lot of friends. Friends can really come in handy.

Don't buy new underwear. It's not like people can see them anyway, so just keep the same pair.

Prank call your friends. If they know your trick, keep prank calling them until they give up and call you back.

Can’t afford deodorant? Simple. In between your lectures, just go to the bathroom, wash your armpits with free soap, dry it under the free dryer, and you’re fresh and clean again (if you have a container with you, fill it up with the free soap so you can use it at home).

Can’t afford toilet paper? Use the free napkins from McDonald’s.

Can’t afford writing paper? Use the free napkins from McDonald’s.

Want good deals at McDonald's? Work at McDonald's.

Can’t afford a pen? Keep looking around the ground. There’s bound to be a free pen somewhere. Or ask your friends if you can borrow one, and then keep it forever.

Can’t afford education? Just rock up to any lecture hall and attend the lectures. No one will notice you don’t belong there. Unless you look nuts.

Can’t afford getting drunk? Buy cask wine (or ‘goon’) or one of those cheap champagne bottles for ten dollars or less. Goon will last you a long time, so what you do is you have a few mugs of it before you go out. If you’re a girl in a bar or club, you can usually score free drinks off desperate guys. Be careful about being slipped a roofie, though, unless that's the sort of thing you're into.

Subscribe to the Borders mailing list (for Australians). They send out good discounts once in a while. Sometimes you can score 30-50% off book vouchers.

If you want an even cheaper way to score alcohol, go to a petrol station. In Brisbane you can find petrol for around a dollar something per Litre. That's really cheap. So make sure you keep an empty cup or esky in your car whenever you're about to go clubbing. You can either drink or sniff the petrol. IT IS NOT SAFE TO DRINK OR SNIFF PETROL. I DO NOT RECOMMEND DRINKING OR SNIFFING PETROL.

Sleep in your university campus to save on electricity bills- use their lights and computers and microwaves. If you get kicked out, sleep at your friends’ houses, and then take their toilet paper, and then try to sell that toilet paper.

To make free international phone calls, use Skype or Windows Live Messenger or Google Talk for free web calls. You can even do video calls!

Most importantly, if you want money, never, ever consider becoming a writer.

If you have any more suggestions or proven techniques, please feel free to add some more.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Through the looking glass of Frank Uyttenhove

by Alvin

creative, clever & imaginative, I wish my photography & photomanipulation skills were up to his notch.

google him, or check out his .com for more photos... or where I first found a whole bunch of his stuff here.

*some images contain mature content.